ASS Everywhere T-Shirt
ASS Everywhere T-Shirt
Our Promise
If it shows up wrong, we fix it. No forms. No runaround. Just email us like a person and we will handle it like people.
That is the whole policy.
Washing Instructions
How to Not Ruin Your New Favorite Shirt:
- Cold water only (hot water is for overachievers)
- Turn inside out before washing (protect that graphic you're gonna wear until it falls apart)
- Use a gentle detergent - this garment-dyed cotton is chill, keep it that way
- First wash might bleed a little, so separate it from your fancy stuff
- Tumble dry low or hang dry (air drying = more time for snacks)
Drying Instructions:
- Avoid High Heat: Air-drying is best to prevent shrinking and maintain the soft texture.
- Tumble Dry Low (Optional): If using a dryer, select a low heat or delicate setting.
- Remove Promptly: Take the shirt out of the dryer as soon as it's dry to prevent wrinkles.
Additional Tips:
- Avoid using bleach or harsh detergents as they can fade the color.
- Do not use fabric softeners, which may affect the shirt's texture.
- If the shirt has a graphic print, avoid ironing directly on the design. Use a pressing cloth or turn the shirt inside out when ironing.
Shipping & Returns
Shipping
Free shipping on orders over $50 because you are already spending money on the truth. The least we can do is cover the postage.
Orders ship within 7 business days. Made in the USA means it takes a minute. Worth it. Once it leaves our hands, USPS takes over and you will have it in 2-5 days. Track it obsessively or ignore it completely. We support both personality types equally.
Returns: The "Something Went Wrong" Policy
We want you wearing the shirt, not emailing us about it. If something shows up damaged, defective, or just plain wrong, that is on us and we will fix it. No drama. We save the drama for the shirts.
Here is how it works:
- Damaged or defective? Full refund. No questions asked.
- You have 30 days from purchase to let us know.
- Item needs to be unused and in the condition it arrived.
- Email us at customerservice@mocktshirts.com. A real human responds. Not a bot. Not a form. A person.
We are not a faceless warehouse operation. If something is wrong, just reach out like a normal human and we will sort it out like normal humans. Nobody here has time for unnecessary nonsense and neither do you.
Policy subject to change, but it will always be reasonable. That is the whole point.
It is a hardware store. It is not a hardware store. It is both. It is neither. You are going to laugh and then feel slightly guilty about laughing and then buy the shirt anyway.
That is the whole joke. And it is a very good joke. The kind where you are walking through a parking lot, someone is coming the other direction, they clock your shirt, they stop, they stare for exactly two seconds while their brain processes it, and then they either lose it completely or walk away faster. Both reactions are correct.
Wear it to the actual hardware store. You have to. It is required. Wear it anywhere adults are present and consequences are minimal. Wear it to prove that sometimes the best humor is the simplest humor, executed with zero apology and exactly the right font.
Made on a Bella+Canvas 3001 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton tee, printed and shipped in the USA.
Make Someone Uncomfortable
While You're Already Here